So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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