I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
