Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
