coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
