Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
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