Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
