What did we do last night that was yellow?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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