Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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