Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
we should paint friendship bongs
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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