It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
