I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
