Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
