well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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