8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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