Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
