ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
