After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
