Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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