I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
