Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I understand Curling. That high.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize