So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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