At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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