Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
