lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
