She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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