Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I AM VODKA MAN
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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