bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
