I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
