The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
