I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
