I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
