I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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