She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
