New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
