How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
