He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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