cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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