My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
