It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
