Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
