ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
