I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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