I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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