who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize