you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
