he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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