Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
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