Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My life is pants optional.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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