thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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