You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
