i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
