I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
