Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize