im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
