It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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