Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
