Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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