awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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