Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Operation Purity has been aborted
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
