Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
