Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
