He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
