Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
