Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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