Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
