My friends, they love my intelligence
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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