you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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