so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
