It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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