we have pet lesbian snakes
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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