This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
