i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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