WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
